i am ambivalent about leaving.my two month-long stay in singapore has solidified what i suspected was homesickness. it doesn't get any easier to leave the place i call home despite being on the road and in other countries for most of the year - perhaps that's why i miss it. as much as i love globe trotting, i also miss the comforts of familiarity, family and friends - permanence.
this nomadic lifestyle seems to be taking an emotional toll on me. the euphoric 'hello again's and hugs at the start of each stay; the teary 'goodbye's and 'see you soon's that signal the end. the last minute meet ups, regardless of which groups (ie countries) of friends, help assure me that i mean something to them (as egocentric as that sounds) despite the lack of my physical presence.
as i pack my bag with some new year goodies, prima deli mixes, winter clothing, hordes of stationery and toiletries, i am reminded of my first trip to start uni in feb 2005. the feeling is similar - anxious, excited yet already missing home before my feet leave changi.
however, my life in europe is about to restart. there is another part of sufen that resides there. my love is there, as are close friends and my affinity with (some parts of) european culture. it's strange how life just continues its linearity although time and space divides experience. europe can feel like home too.
if home is where the heart is, i don't think i'd be able to place where exactly mine is. singapore has given me my roots and culture; europe has shaped my thinking and opinions. australia has taught me so many lessons (both of the academic and life/practical sorts) that it's hard to just dismiss it - there is a part of me that secretly adores perth.
perhaps we should start altering the concept of home and i'll be a much happier person.
romantic ideals aside, practical matters await me in amsterdam. from registering with the municipal police (aliens police seh..) to moving in with thomas to enrolling fully for uni - bah. paper work is indeed the bane of my life. oh yes, and the re-exploration of the city to orientate myself.
i can visualise already the plans for the next 6 months in my head - yes, i am a planner (albeit not a very organised one). too much for my own good, sometimes..
i am looking forward to the reunions in europe - the 'hello again's and hugs that come after the teary goodbyes.
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