I sent this email to a friend just a while ago..
So. I went to bed after our chat. Got comfy. Lay on flattie and started my usual rhythm of deep, slow breaths. I believe I drifted off into a rather nice and yet not deep enough slumber because I was woken up by some residents at 5am screaming outside my window.
The girl - an annoying-looking American with a voice I'd kill myself if I had (think Fran Drescher in "The Nanny" if you know this tv comedy). Her laugh was worse. The kind you need earplugs for. Or in cartoons, would shatter glass. She looks like she could shatter glass too.
The guy - nondescript horny bastard.
I peeked out my window, from my bed and saw the physical action that was making this annoying american squeal like a delighted piggy who just managed to escape the abattoir. It was not a pretty sight that greeted my squinty un-glasses eyes. I then proceeded to put on my glasses, with much taints of annoyance, and give them an angry glare. Of course, they were too absorbed with looking at each others crotches or making weird flirtatious noises to notice - perhaps it takes too big a proportion of their active brains to make these weird evolutionary mating calls. I empathised. But not for long.
I considered yelling "please wrestle in someone's room but not in the courtyard" or something a bit more simplistic for their primitive brains along the lines of "FUCK OFF, you brainless bumholes!!!! I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!" but alas, in my passive aggressive demeanour, half boiling half wanting to eavesdrop on this potential scandal, I turned on my lights and drew my curtains and stared at them instead. It was like when a boy gets caught wanking. Yes. The soggy boxer syndrome. Theirs was the "oh no, we look retarded but we can't hide it. But we really thought you were all sleeping!" syndrome. And not even alcohol content in their bloodstreams could save their subprime posterior properties.
So. I went to bed after our chat. Got comfy. Lay on flattie and started my usual rhythm of deep, slow breaths. I believe I drifted off into a rather nice and yet not deep enough slumber because I was woken up by some residents at 5am screaming outside my window.
The girl - an annoying-looking American with a voice I'd kill myself if I had (think Fran Drescher in "The Nanny" if you know this tv comedy). Her laugh was worse. The kind you need earplugs for. Or in cartoons, would shatter glass. She looks like she could shatter glass too.
The guy - nondescript horny bastard.
I peeked out my window, from my bed and saw the physical action that was making this annoying american squeal like a delighted piggy who just managed to escape the abattoir. It was not a pretty sight that greeted my squinty un-glasses eyes. I then proceeded to put on my glasses, with much taints of annoyance, and give them an angry glare. Of course, they were too absorbed with looking at each others crotches or making weird flirtatious noises to notice - perhaps it takes too big a proportion of their active brains to make these weird evolutionary mating calls. I empathised. But not for long.
I considered yelling "please wrestle in someone's room but not in the courtyard" or something a bit more simplistic for their primitive brains along the lines of "FUCK OFF, you brainless bumholes!!!! I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!" but alas, in my passive aggressive demeanour, half boiling half wanting to eavesdrop on this potential scandal, I turned on my lights and drew my curtains and stared at them instead. It was like when a boy gets caught wanking. Yes. The soggy boxer syndrome. Theirs was the "oh no, we look retarded but we can't hide it. But we really thought you were all sleeping!" syndrome. And not even alcohol content in their bloodstreams could save their subprime posterior properties.
Labels: rant
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